I Woke Up Piloting the Strongest Starship, so I Became a Space Mercenary

TN: This is a short story originally published on Kakuyomu as part of an annual short story compilation organized by Kadokawa to celebrate their anniversary. I’ll resume translating the main story once the author returns from working on the new volume of the light novel. In the meantime, I’ll be translating these mostly unknown short stories. This is the last one of the compilation, the next one is a small short story the author posted on his activity record.

To be honest, the mercenary trade involves a lot of downtime.

Most of our active hours are actually spent traveling. Even in a universe where faster-than-light travel is made possible by hyperdrives, space remains unimaginably vast. For instance, traveling from the outer edges of a star system, where hyperspace entry points are located, to the habitable zone—often referred to as the ‘life-sustaining region’ where trade colonies and such are situated—can take several hours. If you need to move to the hyperspace entry point of another star system on the opposite side of the star, it could easily take twice that time or more.

On top of that, traveling between star systems via subspace routes—commonly known as hyperlanes—can take anywhere from a few hours to several days, depending on the route and conditions.

What I’m getting at is this: we’re basically bored most of the time.

「With this much downtime, it’s no wonder some people end up ruining themselves with booze or drugs.」 「Why are you looking at me while saying that?」

Elma, still red-faced, narrowed her eyes and shot me a glare. Space might not have a day-night cycle, but waking up, doing your morning workout, taking a shower, and immediately diving into alcohol? That’s a questionable life choice if you ask me.

「Boss, ya forgot somethin’—or rather, two things: women and gamblin’.」

「Big Brother is the type to ruin himself over women, isn’t he?」

「It seems I’ve stepped on a landmine… But isn’t saying I’d ruin myself a bit much? It’s not like I’d ever spend so much on someone that I’d go broke.」

In response, not just Tina and Wiska, but everyone present gave me a ‘What are you even saying?’ Look. Why?

「Okay, fine. Let’s drop this topic. But in the end, I haven’t actually ruined myself, so I’m safe, right?」 「That’s fine, but let’s hope you don’t ruin yourself in some other way. Like, getting stabbed all of a sudden or something.」

「Don’t say such terrifying things, you drunkard! I’ve done nothing to deserve getting stabbed. I declare myself blameless and innocent.」

「Is that so? I feel like I can think of at least one… no, maybe two people who might stab you if things went wrong.」

I have no idea who those ‘two people’ Mimi is referring to could be, but… if I had to guess, rather than getting literally stabbed, I’d say the greater risk is being ensnared in some situation that forces me to take responsibility in a… broader sense. Not that I know who she’s referring to, of course. But for some reason, the images of a blonde, red-eyed noble beauty and a raven-haired young lady destined to inherit an Earl’s household flickered in my mind. Stop it. Both of you smirking like that is way too ominous.

「I think that’s just your imagination, Mimi. Yeah, definitely your imagination. Probably. Anyway, what was the other thing? Oh, gambling, right? As for gambling… honestly, the mercenary business itself is already a high-stakes gamble with your life on the line.」

「That’s… actually a very accurate way of putting it.」n/ô/vel/b//in dot c//om

「On top of that, gambling itself, you know… those games are all rigged to favor the house. If you stick to betting within your pocket money and treat it like light entertainment, fine. But if you’re throwing in money at the level where you could bankrupt yourself, wouldn’t it make more sense to use that cash to upgrade your ship or equipment instead? That’ll pay off better in the long run.」

「See? This is what I’m talkin’ about when I say you’re thinkin’ on a whole different level, Boss.」

At some point, Wiska and Tina had taken positions on either side of me on the sofa, interjecting their comments as we talked.

「Still, if you’re going to spend 3,000 Enels on a gamble with poor odds, you’re way better off using that 3,000 Enels to fire a seeker missile at some space pirates. That’s guaranteed profit.」

「That’s true.」

「Can’t argue with that.」

「Hey, Sis, maybe this whole idea about mercenaries ruining themselves over gambling is just a myth?」

「Ya think so? Aren’t these guys just the exception?」

Tina sure is suspicious of us. Mei nodded along when Tina was talking, but she was agreeing with Wiska, right? Right?

「Well, we are just a healthy and upstanding mercenary group. It’s always better to not have bad spending habits in the first place.」

As I said this, I got up and walked over to a shelf set up in one corner of the lounge area. This shelf was filled with data storage units I’d collected from various colonies during our travels. And what was stored on them? Mostly entertainment media, like movies and animated series—stuff similar to what existed in the world I came from. The files were formatted for playback on holo-displays, so they were your typical holo-videos or holo-movies.

「You know, it’s definitely a good sign when the leader of a mercenary group spends his money on ships, equipment, and… leisure data like this. That’s about as wholesome as it gets.」

「Although, sometimes there’s some very questionable stuff mixed in there…」

I buy most of this data second-hand and in bulk, so I usually don’t know what’s inside when I buy it. A lot of them are boring or incomprehensible, but that’s not an issue. The problem is that on rare occasions this data can contain electronic drugs. Back when I wasn’t as cautious, I accidentally picked up a holo-drug—media that messes with your body just by watching it. Ever since I started having Mei screen everything, we haven’t had any other incidents like that, but that one time was a nightmare.

「Oh yeah, I remember that. It was a good thing Mei was around to help.」

「Personally… I don’t mind indulging in something like that occasionally.」

Elma shuddered after remembering, but Mimi blushed as she covered her mouth.

Wiska tilted her head, clearly puzzled by our reactions, but Tina had a knowing grin, like she could guess exactly what kind of holo I’d been unlucky enough to pick up.

「Lemme guess, Boss—you snagged yourself one of those over-the-top party holo-drugs, didn’t ya?」

「Bullseye, and Mimi, I’m never doing that again. Never.」

「Aww, but don’t you and Elma-san always end up doing something similar together anyway?」

「That’s different, totally different.」

「???」

Wiska, listening to the exchange between me, Tina, and Mimi, had a face full of confusion, metaphorical question marks floating over her head. Well, it’s not surprising—Wiska has always been a bit of a straight-laced type, maybe even a little sheltered.

「Wee, a party holo-drug is the kinda thing that gets you feeling hyped, makes you let loose, your body heats up, and next thing you know, everybody’s all tangled up together doing it, just by watchin’ a holo.」

「Ew… oh wow…」

Wiska turned bright red, her expression a mix of shock and complete disbelief. She’s shy, a bit reserved, and… yeah, for her sake, let’s not go any further with that assessment. And the way she’s blushing but still looking intrigued? Yeah, I’m just going to pretend I didn’t see that.

「Anyway, I’ve been having Mei screen out that kind of stuff, so we don’t have to worry about it anymore.」

「But ya kept the filtered data somewhere, didn’t ya?」

「I invoke my right to remain silent.」

Which, let’s be honest, is basically the same as saying yes. I could delete the files, of course, but… let’s just say I kept them on hand in case they might come in handy someday. You know, as a kind of marital aid. Not that we’ve ever actually used them since that one disaster. We’re perfectly fine in our relationships without resorting to stuff like that.

「Still, every now and then, I think stuff like that might be fun.」

「If we tried that, I’d wither and die.」

I shot back firmly, crossing my arms in an X as I glanced through the list of titles on the data storage unit.

Seriously, there’s no way I’d survive if I went up against all four of them while under the influence of something like that. Sure, Mei would keep things from spiraling completely out of control, but let’s be real—one misstep, and I’d be a goner. Imagine having ‘death by holo-drug-induced exhaustion’ as my official cause of death. I’d become a laughingstock.

「Picking stuff based on the title alone is kind of a gamble, isn’t it?」

「Yeah, but serialized shows or anime tend to be a safer bet. Those usually don’t turn out to be duds.」

Shows like these are typically produced by well-established studios with decent budgets and staff, aiming for profitability, so, as I said, there’s rarely a total disaster. For shorter productions, like two- or three-hour feature films, the quality can swing wildly. You could hit a total dud, or you might strike gold. On the other hand, anything shorter—under two hours or even just an hour—starts to feel riskier. A one-hour runtime might still be decent, but compared to longer works, the chance of encountering a dud rises significantly.

「Should we play it safe and go with a reliable show or anime?」

「Sounds good.」

「What about this one? It looks interesting!」

The show Mimi chose was a show about the staff working at a quarantine facility in a colony’s port district. Each episode was one hour long, with a total of 24 episodes. It looks like the kind of series you can get completely absorbed in—dangerously so. But that is also good.

「Alright, let’s go with this. Considering the time we’ll spend traveling within the star system and along the hyperlane, we’ve got over 70 hours. We should be able to finish it.」

With the decision made, we each prepared drinks and snacks before settling down to start the series. After every episode, we’d take a short break to discuss the story, laughing and debating over the characters and plot twists. The show’s focus on colony quarantine procedures was surprisingly engaging, especially for us, who frequently visited colonies. It featured a good mix of mystery and action, with compelling characters brought to life by talented actors. This one was definitely a hit.

「Hey, Hiro-sama.」

Mimi called out to me after we finished the third episode. Elma and the others had stepped out to refill their drinks and snacks, leaving us alone for a moment. I turned to her, curious about what she had to say.

「It’s really wonderful to spend time like this with everyone. I hope this continues forever.」

「Yeah, let’s do our best to make sure it stays that way.」

「Okay!」

Mimi replied, her face lighting up with a radiant smile. I need to work hard to protect everyone so these happy times can last forever.  Savoring the quiet joy of the moment, I silently resolved to keep this happiness alive for all of us.