Possessing Nothing

Chapter 400: Despair (3)

TL: Yul, xLordFifthChapter 400

—The fact that his head had been blown off signified certain death, yet the body, no longer entirely human, stubbornly clung to the soul, slowly continuing to regenerate.During this time, Lee Sungmin’s consciousness wandered through the darkness, forgetting what was happening in reality. His consciousness roamed through the long, long path of his life, his memories.I was born the son of Lee Seong-jun, the sect leader of the Dark Alliance in Gwangjin District, the martial arts district of central Seoul. I learned various martial arts from a young age.My innate talent was sufficient to be discussed among the best through all eras, the greatest. Yet, I felt repelled by the idea of solely getting stronger through martial arts, failing to understand the necessity of attending college as dictated by ‘reality,’ and not listening to my school teachers. At a young age, I surpassed the level of my father, Yang Mugi, the sect leader of the Dark Alliance, effortlessly leaping beyond First Rate and above the Peak Realm.The nagging of my parents to attend a prestigious university and secure a good job mattered less to me than kicking a ball in the playground, and I found joy in spending my daily earnings from cheap mercenary work on prostitutes and playing games at PC cafes.I was a great dragon, a master of magic. I never directly encountered Heoju, the great yokai ruling the vast forest, but I wasn’t afraid of him.Crossing the forest under his dominion, I left the PC café and headed home because I had to attend classes.I was anxious about not doing the homework I was assigned, but I thought I was quite good at the martial arts of the Dark Alliance.After achieving transcendence beyond my father’s accomplishments, I created my own martial arts technique, the Dark Storm Arts.The Dark Storm Arts encompassed the ultimate speed, and magic was grand. When I came to my senses, I was in a completely new world for the first time.I earned the nickname ‘Blood Ghost Asura’ and was considered the strongest in the world during the tumultuous times 700 years ago.Preferring solitude, I led the life of a wanderer, with only the Art of the Heaven-Destroying Asura as my companion.After completing the Dark Storm Arts, I sought even greater realms and didn’t want to go to school due to the anxiety of not doing homework.Life as a mercenary was fraught with the constant danger of untimely death, and while wandering as a wanderer, I adopted two sisters named Geniella and Gemini as my daughters.I grabbed the stone of reincarnation and returned to the past. While flying across Heu-ju’s forest, I was captured by him and experienced terrible pain.I skipped school, and after coming to my senses, I found myself in this godforsaken world.I missed my parents and friends, but by my side were two vampires I had adopted as daughters.Life with them was pleasurable, and as a C-class mercenary of the Corona Mercenary Corps, I felt devoid of any future hope.Back in this world, I called myself the Demonic Emperor, thinking I might be the greatest of all time.Centuries passed, and the name Ju Hee-baek, once known as the Blood Ghost Asura, was forgotten. I became the second vampire lineage of Geniella. The nickname Blood Demon did not appeal to me.As a former C-class mercenary, I encountered Wijihoyeon. After killing the Sword Ghost, I became the Ghost Spear, and everyone called me a Demon Emperor.As a dragon, I met a trivial death at the hands of Heoju. I was, I was, I was…Who was I?Memories got entangled. Apart from the soulless Ainé, the current Lee Sungmin, the past Lee Sungmin, the owner of the Dragon Heart, the Blood Demon, and the Demonic Emperor Yang Il-Chun’s memories were mixed together.The memories of the three hearts consumed by Lee Sungmin mixed with his original memories. The haphazardly fitted memories were enough to be called chaos.At the center of this turmoil, Lee Sungmin became aware of his own existence.Very vaguely.“Who am I?”Lee Sungmin looked down at his hands. Here, he was Yang Il-Chun, the dragon, the father of the Black Dragon who died at Heoju’s hand, and the adoptive father of Geniella and Gemini, the Blood Demon, once known as Ju Hee-baek. With all these memories, am I Lee Sungmin?“Hey.” Lee Sungmin Lee turned his gaze toward the direction of the sound. Heoju was standing with his back turned. He was staring into the swirling memories and chaos of consciousness.Beyond the blurry fog was chaos. Watching Heoju’s back, Lee Sungmin felt a myriad of emotions all at once.What he felt most strongly was the emotion of a dragon that had died at the hands of Heoju hundreds of years ago.Despite having been killed unilaterally, the only emotion left in that dragon was a consistent fear.“What did you see?”“…A lot of things.”“Am I scary?”“No.”The emotion of fear faintly faded and disappeared entirely. It was a world of consciousness he had visited many times before. Here, Lee Sungmin always met Heoju.“…Why am I… here…”“Geniella blew your head off.”Geniella did? Why? Why would that adopted girl… No, this isn’t my memory. Lee Sungmin clasped his head in his hands.“You seem confused.”“…It’s terrible… I feel terrible… It’s like I’m not myself…”It was his first time experiencing this. Until now, three times. Lee Sungmin had devoured the powers of others with the ability of the Black Heart.The Demonic Emperor, the dragon, and the Blood Demon… Most of the powers he devoured weren’t as effective as he thought, and they failed to make him grow much.All the memories he had been unaware of until now were swirling around in this world. Heoju quietly watched them.“It’s been a long time.”Heoju opened his mouth.“I’ve been entrenched in your consciousness, and more than a decade has passed. During that time… I’ve watched you more closely than anyone else. And I’ve come to know what your fatal flaw is.”“…What are you trying to say?”“The dissonance between soul and body.”Heoju smirked.“You’ve always carried such a risk within you. It’s inevitable. You had a complex body. Becoming a complete yokai, undergoing a thorough transformation, and yet you remained incomplete. You always had that imperfection, and you found your own ways to address it. But it was never… completely resolved.”“Why are you bringing this up now?”“I mean,”Heoju slowly turned around. It was a sight Lee Sungmin had seen several times in this world. However, the expression he was making was unfamiliar.“I needed certainty. I had some guesses, but hey, I thought it couldn’t be. That’s how I thought about it. I didn’t show it to you. It’s embarrassing to say this, but I hated it. That you would say you don’t need me.”“What are you talking about…”“It’s because of me. It’s not easy to understand, is it?” Heoju laughed heartily.“There are two consciousnesses in one body. While you are the main one, I have always been parasitizing in a corner of your consciousness, occupying a corner of this vast world of consciousness. Tell me, before you became a complete monster, what was it that threatened you?”“…The Predator of Massacre…”“To be precise, it was the possibility that you might fully transform into a yokai. And why was that? Because of me.”“Not anymore…!”“Do you really think so?”Heoju smiled bitterly at Lee Sungmin, who was shouting as if struggling.“Why are you still incomplete despite having become a complete monster? Why are you incomplete even though the Predator of Massacre disappeared? Is it because your body is superior to your consciousness? Is it because you haven’t fully assimilated the power you gained through Predation? No, that’s not it. Your consciousness has grown enough. Look, everything you’ve gained through Predation is here. You just haven’t felt it.”“But now…”“It’s because my end is near.”Heoju interrupted Lee Sungmin’s words by shaking his head.“Since coming out of the  Sleeping Forest, I’ve been reaching my limit in remaining in this form. And now, the real end is approaching.”“Don’t joke, that can’t be. Your existence made me incomplete? You haven’t disappeared yet. But I, I’ve gained all the memories I didn’t know about until now…!”“It’s because your body desires it.”Heoju laughed.“Your head flying off, despite your strong regenerative powers, would be a fatal injury difficult to recover from. But your body is persistently trying to keep you alive. You succeeded in your gambit to consume Aine’s black heart, pushing your body’s performance and evolutionary potential to the limit. In this extreme crisis, your superior physique found a way to survive and win the fight.”Saying so, Heoju moved his hands, which had been clasped behind his back, forward. Lee Sungmin’s face hardened at the sight.His large hand was gone without a trace. From the wrist, Heoju’s body was gradually turning to dust.“It’s by eliminating the incompleteness within you. Well, it was expected. After all, I wasn’t meant to last long. That I’ve lasted this long is already something.”“Why…”Lee Sungmin collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to understand, but he couldn’t help but do so.Heoju didn’t lie. There was nothing wrong with Heoju’s words.It was hateful, disgustingly so. That everything had come to this. Why does everything disappear?Why do beings he gave his heart to, wishing they wouldn’t leave, depart from Lee Sungmin one by one?“I tried to disappear 10 years ago.”When he had blocked the Predator of Massacre, Heoju had braced himself for his own dissolution.“Things went well, and only that monster dissolved. I could have made a splendid exit, but its anticlimactic disappearance removed my reason to leave. Since then… I had somewhat suspected. That my existence wasn’t much help to you.”“No…!”Lee Sungmin couldn’t contain himself and shouted. Heoju had always been helpful. Heoju was why Lee Sungmin’s mind hadn’t shattered and why he had managed to hold on until now.When the Crazy Heavenly Demon and the Demonic Emperor died, Heoju comforted Lee Sungmin. Whether there was no one by Lee Sungmin’s side or there was someone else, Heoju was always there in Lee Sungmin’s consciousness. Lee Sungmin listened to his worries, counseled him, and cracked jokes. Always did.“I was happy when you asked me to wait. But now that it has come to this, it’s quite relieving.” Heoju moved his shoulders, showing his completely vanished arms.“Now that I am certain, I cannot stay with you if I am not of any help.”“No…”Lee Sungmin sobbed, clutching his head with both hands.“If you, if you disappear as well. What am I supposed to do…?”“Even now, the others are dying at the hands of Geniella.”Lee Sungmin’s body trembled. The faint memories became clear.Before his head blew off.The sight of Baek Sogo collapsing while spewing blood… and Scarlett…“It’s not about dying.”Heoju murmured as he looked at Lee Sungmin. He saw a long path stretching behind the crouching Lee Sungmin.Faces he knew caught his eye: Yang Il-Chun and the Spear King. Heoju laughed heartily.“Like your master, me leaving you… doesn’t mean I’ll vanish. I’m leaving this world behind, heading towards a path only those who are worthy can take.”“So you’re leaving after all…”“Don’t cry, you little shit.”Hearing Lee Sungmin’s sobs, Heoju cursed. He strode over and kicked Lee Sungmin’s crouching body.“What do you want me to do? Even if you whine and beg me not to go, I must leave. I have to disappear. Even now, I am fading away. Inevitably so. It’s a bit much to vanish without a word, so I’m staying a bit longer to bid you farewell. But you, you don’t even try to understand this old man’s heart, just whining about your own sadness?”“It’s because of me…”“Yeah, it’s because of you, you son of a bitch. You’re weaker than Geniella, and your body is telling me to fuck off because it doesn’t need me. But still.”Heoju kicked Lee Sungmin’s body again.“Since I’m going to disappear anyway, I prefer to do so on my own terms. I have no regrets. I wanted to see how far you could go, but now I can’t even if I want to. But it’s okay.I believe in you. I believe you’ll tear that bitch Geniella apart, shatter the damned fate called the Apocalypse, do everything you’ve ever wanted, and… when there’s nothing left you want to do.You’ll follow the path that I, Yang Il-Chun, and the Spear King took; I believe you’ll come then.”With those words, Heoju glared at Lee Sungmin’s face.“So smile, you motherfucker.”Heoju naturally attempted to punch Lee Sungmin’s face with his fist, but since his arms had completely vanished, he couldn’t land the punch.“Don’t show me your ugly face, crying and sniveling. Smile.”

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TL Notes: Hey guys, I’m back! And I finished all my college applications and whatnot, so I’ll have so much time to translate (let’s hope I keep that promise…).

This was by far one of my favorite chapters.